Remember that one time you decided to watch the film
Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead, and then ended up convinced that you too needed to purchase a juicer and do a juice cleanse? No? I do.
So...we have this habit where pretty much every single night, B and I put the kids to bed and then retire to the couch to watch t.v. Lately, we have been on a documentary kick, and one of those was the above show (Warning: do not watch unless you want to end up convinced you need to purchase a juicer and do your own juice cleanse).
What can I say...I am very susceptible to the power of suggestion. This is why I have to mute commercials.
Anyways, I bought
this juicer from Kohls.com (on super mega sale, plus a 30% off coupon so I wasn't tooooo invested in this hair-brained scheme). And B and I decided to do a 5-Day Reboot, where we consume nothing but juices for 5 straight days. Oh, and coffee, because I am not giving up coffee. Nor do I have any plans to EVER give up coffee. Coffee is the life-blood of champions. But I drink it black...so no sugar or dairy, I mean....it is
vegan so it can't be too unhealthy, right?
Before starting the official fast, I was supposed to start eliminating alcohol, grains, meat, dairy, and processed foods from my diet. I did nothing of the sort. In fact, leading up to starting this, I was even more unhealthy than usual. Starting this totally cold-turkey and hoping my food detox isn't terrible.
Here is my captain's log of this crazy plan......days 1-3, cause this is getting loooonnnng.
Day 1:
Weight: 147 lbs...yikes!
So, first off...It was a big mistake not to get rid of all those salty and sweet processed foods in the pantry (helloooo salt water taffy and chili cheese fritos). But I do need to feed the kids too. And I need to learn to resist this junk better, so I plan on exercising some will-power.
Desperation mode....I just put a piece of taffy in my mouth. But I chewed it a few times then spit it out....I am still good, right? Also, I definitely stuck my face in that bag of fritos and just inhaled. But I decided they smelled gross...so we're o.k.
Day 1 lunch...a mean green (kale, celery, cucumber, apple, lemon, ginger)
Overall, I felt decent, but by the end of the afternoon I did feel a little tired and cranky. I also had some mild-medium headaches throughout the day. I discovered that if my head was hurting, drinking a juice helped it go away. I think I will just drink more juices on the upcoming days if my head starts hurting again. My favorite part of the day was dessert/nighttime snack. Holy crap was that delicious (grapes, blueberries, mint). I think I can make it through another day with something like that to look forward to.
Day 2:
I woke up feeling ok, but still tired and groggy. Perhaps it is the juice effects, or perhaps it is the getting woken up in the middle of the night by a screaming L who has decided she is afraid of sleeping (seriously, she is slowly killing me). And this is why I refuse to give up coffee.
Here is where today totally sucked...I am huuuuunnngggry. I mean the "my kids are starting to look tasty" kind of hungry. Stomach growling licking the insides of my juice glasses hungry. Tomorrow, more tea and hot lemon water is the plan. Supposedly the first 3 days are the hardest, and then the magical juicing power kicks in and you feel all sorts of wonderful and energized. We will see.
Day 3:
According to some of the reading I did, this is supposedly the worst day. I concur. I woke up feeling like shiiiiit. Queasy, shaky, headache, tired, like i am in a fog and can't think straight....blahhhhh. The upside is I am feeling so gross that the thought of a cheeseburger (or food in general) makes my stomach turn. Also, this mornings breakfast juice was a beet concoction, so that probably isn't helping. I don't like beets, and juicing them does not make them any better. Yuck!
Mmmnnnnnnn.....beet-ey. Like drinking a big glass of dirt.
As the afternoon went on, I felt a little better, but still definitely tired and a little cranky. I am planning on taking the kids to the pool. Thank god they have lifeguards there, because I don't think I have the energy to jump in and save them, if needed. Another negative here is that i have this constant "scummy" feeling in my mouth...like no amount of toothbrush scrubbing will clean these teeth.
On the bright side, I do feel considerably less bloated, so I might just not automatically reach for my matronly one-piece....gasp! And dessert tonight is the blueberry-grape juice, woohoo!
To be continued for days 4-5, plus my final summary....
Remember that one time you decided to watch the film
Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead, and then ended up convinced that you too needed to purchase a juicer and do a juice cleanse? No? I do.
So...we have this habit where pretty much every single night, B and I put the kids to bed and then retire to the couch to watch t.v. Lately, we have been on a documentary kick, and one of those was the above show (Warning: do not watch unless you want to end up convinced you need to purchase a juicer and do your own juice cleanse).
What can I say...I am very susceptible to the power of suggestion. This is why I have to mute commercials.
Anyways, I bought
this juicer from Kohls.com (on super mega sale, plus a 30% off coupon so I wasn't tooooo invested in this hair-brained scheme). And B and I decided to do a 5-Day Reboot, where we consume nothing but juices for 5 straight days. Oh, and coffee, because I am not giving up coffee. Nor do I have any plans to EVER give up coffee. Coffee is the life-blood of champions. But I drink it black...so no sugar or dairy, I mean....it is
vegan so it can't be too unhealthy, right?
Before starting the official fast, I was supposed to start eliminating alcohol, grains, meat, dairy, and processed foods from my diet. I did nothing of the sort. In fact, leading up to starting this, I was even more unhealthy than usual. Starting this totally cold-turkey and hoping my food detox isn't terrible.
Here is my captain's log of this crazy plan......days 1-3, cause this is getting loooonnnng.
Day 1:
Weight: 147 lbs...yikes!
So, first off...It was a big mistake not to get rid of all those salty and sweet processed foods in the pantry (helloooo salt water taffy and chili cheese fritos). But I do need to feed the kids too. And I need to learn to resist this junk better, so I plan on exercising some will-power.
Desperation mode....I just put a piece of taffy in my mouth. But I chewed it a few times then spit it out....I am still good, right? Also, I definitely stuck my face in that bag of fritos and just inhaled. But I decided they smelled gross...so we're o.k.
Day 1 lunch...a mean green (kale, celery, cucumber, apple, lemon, ginger)
Overall, I felt decent, but by the end of the afternoon I did feel a little tired and cranky. I also had some mild-medium headaches throughout the day. I discovered that if my head was hurting, drinking a juice helped it go away. I think I will just drink more juices on the upcoming days if my head starts hurting again. My favorite part of the day was dessert/nighttime snack. Holy crap was that delicious (grapes, blueberries, mint). I think I can make it through another day with something like that to look forward to.
Day 2:
I woke up feeling ok, but still tired and groggy. Perhaps it is the juice effects, or perhaps it is the getting woken up in the middle of the night by a screaming L who has decided she is afraid of sleeping (seriously, she is slowly killing me). And this is why I refuse to give up coffee.
Here is where today totally sucked...I am huuuuunnngggry. I mean the "my kids are starting to look tasty" kind of hungry. Stomach growling licking the insides of my juice glasses hungry. Tomorrow, more tea and hot lemon water is the plan. Supposedly the first 3 days are the hardest, and then the magical juicing power kicks in and you feel all sorts of wonderful and energized. We will see.
Day 3:
According to some of the reading I did, this is supposedly the worst day. I concur. I woke up feeling like shiiiiit. Queasy, shaky, headache, tired, like i am in a fog and can't think straight....blahhhhh. The upside is I am feeling so gross that the thought of a cheeseburger (or food in general) makes my stomach turn. Also, this mornings breakfast juice was a beet concoction, so that probably isn't helping. I don't like beets, and juicing them does not make them any better. Yuck!
Mmmnnnnnnn.....beet-ey. Like drinking a big glass of dirt.
As the afternoon went on, I felt a little better, but still definitely tired and a little cranky. I am planning on taking the kids to the pool. Thank god they have lifeguards there, because I don't think I have the energy to jump in and save them, if needed. Another negative here is that i have this constant "scummy" feeling in my mouth...like no amount of toothbrush scrubbing will clean these teeth.
On the bright side, I do feel considerably less bloated, so I might just not automatically reach for my matronly one-piece....gasp! And dessert tonight is the blueberry-grape juice, woohoo!
To be continued for days 4-5, plus my final summary....
Day 1 lunch...a mean green (kale, celery, cucumber, apple, lemon, ginger)
Mmmnnnnnnn.....beet-ey. Like drinking a big glass of dirt.
Hey Crazy! You know what would make you less hungry? Eating the food you are putting into the juicer. What about those lovely chewing and digestion calories you are just giving to the juicer? Yeah I know they are minimum but I really like the kids and would hate to see you on the news for taking a bite out of one of them. PS. Let me know when this is over so I can come visit. I want to eat some yummy Ashli food.
ReplyDeleteDon't you worry...this is just temporary insanity. A chance to give my digestive system a break from the massive amounts of crap I have been eating lately, get a mega boost of vitamins, minerals, and enzymes, and of course, lose a little water weight. And I am game for a visit whenever, you pick the date!
DeleteJeri, she is insane. Seriously. She is killllling me. I can count only 2 nights out of the last month that she hasn't woken us up. It is like I have an infant again.
ReplyDelete